Keeping Cultural Connections Alive

When we decided on adopting internationally, we committed to making sure our child stayed connected to his or her culture. We knew they would be losing so much- the chance to grow up in the country of their birth, in their culture, knowing their first language, having a family that looks like them. Let me get say at the start- there's no replacement for living in a family of your own culture and interacting organically in that culture, but we determined to make intentional efforts to do what we could.

We are very fortunate to live in a big, diverse city, so it's really easy to find Indian restaurants, Indian ingredients in the grocery store, events for Indian holidays, etc. and we don't take that for granted. However, if you are adopting transracially/transculturally and don't live in an area with people of that race/culture, you need to be prepared to go the extra mile to give your child what they need. It might mean driving to the nearest big city to get those hard to find ingredients, or attend an event, but I promise it is worth it. That said, many transracial/transcultural adoptees go through a period where they don't want anything to do with their cult of origin. If that happens with your child, don't just shrug and say "Oh well," keep offering them the opportunities to engage, and odds are eventually they will take you up on it again. Even if they don't, they will know their culture was valuable to you, and that alone means something.

From the basics we knew going into our adoption, we have grown to love India and the beautiful parts of it's culture- the food is amazing, the art and dance are gorgeous, and the hospitality of the people we met was so generous. We don't always get this right, but we know it is so important, so we're fumbling our way through, and we've found some ways to honor who Vennela is and where she comes from.

Grinding spices for a biryani mix

1. Food- The foods and flavors we grow up with are so ingrained, tied to memories and emotions, so finding ways to incorporate your child's cuisine is crucial, especially when they first come home. In a time when everything is new and overwhelming, the taste of something familiar can be so comforting. However, there are many ways to do that! I don't know if you've ever tried cooking Indian food; if not, allow me to let you in on a secret- it is hard. Most recipes have like twenty ingredients, half are spices that you can't necessarily get at the neighborhood grocery store, and they often take a long time to cook. Obviously this is generalization, and let me be clear that I am under no pretense that I am an expert on cooking Indian food. I just want to express my admiration for people who do cook really good Indian food, because I know it's not easy! One thing to keep in mind is that different areas of India are comprised of different ethnic groups, who have really different cultures, and that includes food. All curry is not the same. So make the effort to learn what the food in your child's region is like, and find ways to emulate it. For us, that means sometimes I go all out and make the full-on intense dishes from authentic recipes, but if that was all I did the Indian food would be few and far between. I've found some simpler recipes that probably aren't authentic, and while an Indian cook might cringe, Vennela thinks they are delicious!

Favorite sources for Indian recipes:
Veg Recipes of India
Madder Jaffrey's cookbooks

American approximations/maybe abominations, but delicious and Vennela eats them:
Chicken Biryani
Black lentil dal
Slow cooker chicken tikka masala
Yellow dal soup

Also, don't underestimate the power of frozen food- Trader Joe's has very tasty Indian food, and Costco has shelf stable pouches of dal that Vennela devours. I also do things like include Indian spices in other dishes; something as simple as sprinkling some curry spices on a baked sweet potato made it pretty tasty to Vennela!



2. Books- I've written previously about including books representing Indian culture, and we are always looking for new ones or checking them out at the library. This is such an easy way to bring your child's culture into the everyday.




3. Clothes- This is a visible way for your child to claim their identity and celebrate it. We were able to buy a couple outfits for Vennela while in India, but honestly, shopping with any four year old is challenging, shopping with a new, traumatized four year old is nearly impossible, and after carrying a crying kid out of the store once, we didn't attempt anymore. We were bummed as we hoped to get more, but fortunately when we got home generous friends gave us hand me downs, both those that fit Vennela currently and some that she will grow into in the next few years. She absolutely loves getting to wear them, as well as her bangles we bought (her city in India is particularly known for the bangles they make). Geoff and I also each bought some Indian clothing and she loves that we wear it too; it shows her that we value her culture too and want to share in it with her.


Celebrating Holi 

Making a toran (decoration) for Diwali

Rangoli at a local Diwali celebration

Traditional dancers at a local Diwali celebration


Celebrating Diwali at home (under the toran Vennela made!)

4. Holidays- India has an incredible number of holidays, tons of Hindu ones, plus those of the other religious groups that are quite present in India as well, so we have so many opportunities to celebrate! The two holidays that seem to be the biggest are Holi and Diwali, so we've started with those, but look forward to learning about more in the coming years. We celebrate at home by reading books about the holiday and it's meaning, and then look for local celebrations as well. We're very fortunate to live in a big city, so it's very easy to find multiple celebrations for both these holidays.

5. Decor- This is such an easy way to incorporate your child's culture, because once you have it in place it is there every day as a reminder to your child without you needing to do anything out of the ordinary. We picked up a few items while we were in India, and were fortunate to buy some later when there was a fundraiser for Vennela's foster home selling items from the markets in India. We put items like pillows, candles, and tea trays not just in your room, but throughout the house, so that she knows it's not just something we put up for her, but that we value and appreciate the beautiful arts and handiwork that people from her country create.

There you have it, these are the five main ways we are trying to bring some of India into our hoe, but there are obviously other ways to engage with your child's culture, including some we hope to include in the future. Everything from language to dance lessons to games can show your child that when you adopted them, you adopted all of them, including their culture.

Comments

  1. This is amazing! You guys are inspiring and such good parents to your little one 💕💕💕

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    1. Aww thank you! We mess up plenty, but we're doing the best we can <3

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